Thursday Neighbors

The trouble with apartment living is no secret – noisy neighbors and an inability to change things to the exact way you’d like. I have gotten used to it to some degree, but I don’t know that I ever really like it. Makes me tired and cranky, I suppose you’d say.

Sometimes, and this is completely unrelated, those around us drive us out of our minds. People are so odd that it is hard to deal with them. We are that way to others to be sure, but it certainly seems that some folks are more indifferent to it all – indifferent to US all, I suppose you could say.

Well, I don’t mean to keep getting dark, so I will put an end to this particular post and return later when I am feeling chipper enough to see something shine in my eyes.

ciao

Windows 7

By the way, I have just installed Windows 7 on my PC, and I have to say that I rather like it. Compared to Vista, which was the goofiest thing to masquerade as an operating system since Windows ME, it is heavenly. . . I mean, it just works right and looks handsome but subdued – as if a Linux purist designed some of the more cosmetic aspects. So far it works nicely in contrast to XP too. Of course, I couldn’t stand the looks of XP, so I admit to having a biased view in that regard, but it is nice and well worth a try to those of you interested.

For what it’s worth, I have also installed Snow Leopard on my MacBook, and it is nice too, though so similar cosmetically as to be a bit of a yawn. No complaints though.

Tired Out

Funny how tired one can get. Lack of sleep, depression, stress, or just plain being busy can be the causes, or it could be all of them. That all encompassing state of tiredness seems to be my situation, though I don’t know quite how to solve it. But so be it. There is a certain comfort to be completely exhausted to an level beyond correction and help. Odd thought, I suppose.

Hot dogs made without passion

Just went to a hot doggery by name of Skippy's. It is a rather intersting spot selling grilled hot dogs on pretzel bread. It makes for a very chewy hot dog experience. The shop is very popular, though I think I still prefer my doggies steamed or boiled. There's just something about grilling (or, God forbid, deep frying) a dog that brings out tastes that just shouldn't be there*. Another thing that shoudl just never be anywhere near a hot doggie is mayonaise. Oh yucch.

*Grilled white wurst is fine, though.

Anyway, all those rules aside, watching the workers at Skippy's, I realized that there is another element that goes into a good dog, and that is the passion of workmanship. Last time I was at Skippy's, I watch the grill cook at work, and he really seemed to be into it. It seemed as if he really cared about his dogs, at how they were grilled, at how the pretzel bread was doing on the grill, and at how everything just went together properly and in the right colors and hues. The same was true of the final assembly person, who added the various toppings of choice: kraut, mustard, catsup (oh, please), mayonaise (God save us), chili, slaw and so on. These were applied to create a dog that, if not to every dog lover's purist tastes, would at least strike the customer as visually pleasing.

But then there was today - the grill cook (the owner, I suspect) and all the other counter staff were out there doing their best as always. But then there was a newbee at the helm of assembly, and I have to say he looked as if he had been trained in the back kitchen of a Taco Bell (not to bash them, of course). I mean that he didn't have that same sense of purpose. Mayonaise (from a a foil pouchette!): splat, splat, splat. Slaw: kaplunk, kaplunk, kaplunk. Chili: shhhhhlopp! His actions were perfunctory and almost careless - no, actually uncaring, and that flavor of disinterest punctuated by a yawn carried over into the flavor of the dog itself. . . or at least my perception of it (mayonaise on a dog aside).

Tumble

Standing upright is no big thing
even I can do it
Dizzy. . . like a camera zooming in and out fast from behind my eyes
not like the swirl in a cinnamon bun
But I am too tired to fall
too tired to tumble
God, I am too tired sometimes to even be tired
And you ask why I am tired
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
why why why why
???????????
ENOUGH
I try to stay upright
it's no big thing

I just remembered. . .

. . . how I wanted to take art classes when I was a student in junior college - but the students just looked too cool for me to deal with. Well, it was more like I felt too frumpy and goofy to feel that I would be accepted by their ilk. It was all quite dumb, I realised later, but still - that is how I felt. Another lost chance, but who knows: lost-chances may have opened up new chances that we took but failed to recognize as chances at all.

Priests

There are two kinds of priests: those who answer email, and those who don't. The arrogance of the latter astounds.

Tropical Fish

My name is the Neon Tetra, and the reason for that is that I have always had a particular fondness for that particular fish. The first time I saw neon tetras, I was so amazed - they were like little floating neon lights - just beautiful and graceful and colorful and tiny. All so unlike humans and the world around us.

They swim as if with an attitude, and yet there is no sense of arrogance. They are literally filled with radiant color, and yet they are not gaudy or pretentious. They are tropical, and yet they look so cool and calm. They are perfectly balanced in their way, and I can not help but envy all they have and portray.

Were it not for my fear of having another aquarium, a fear which found birth on the morning of the Hanshin Earthquake in Japan (where 3/4 of the water and most of the fish in the tank ended up on the floor), I would gladly set up a colony in my room right now.

The Cold Persists

Another day with an annoying cold. When is a cold not annoying, I suppose you could ask. Point taken.

I think often of what a weak spirit I am. I mean I have strong opinions, somewhat flexible beliefs, but ultimately too little backbone. That is what ultimately makes me a bad teacher - or even administrator. I have a lot too offer, but I am too flexible to make things work consistently. Funny, I suppose. But I watch others command fear and trembling in their others. . . well, at least respect of some sort. People wait quietly for folks like that; for me they just act hurried and annoyed.

In that sense, I sort of hate myself. I hate myself because it is a state of affairs i do not like. I just tolerate it and fume under my cool exterior until, or course, that exterior shows what brews within. I don't get punchy or anything, just mean mouthed and nervous. And that is more of the same. A cream puff? Nah. People enjoy eating cream puffs.

Arrgh…

What a wonderful word that is, and I am never sure how to spell it. Should it have two r’s or two g’s or a bit of both. Doesn’t matter, of course, as now one pays much heed  to things these days. . . even me.

Speaking of that, and despite my imperfections, I just hate how people hypercorrect themselves when saying anything involving someone else and the word “I.”  My sister and I. . . yup, that’s right. Between you and I. . . Whoa, what’s that? See what I mean? Between you and me is correct. Imagine this: They were talking to my sister and I.  .  . in the modern mindset, it sounds fine, but split in into its two parts and you’ll see it is wrong. ‘They were talking to my sister (her),'’ and ‘They were talking to I. . .’’ Oops! That sounds wrong, doesn’t it. They were talking to ME.

Well, I shouldn’t care, but I do, I guess. Anyway, off to work.

Monday Morning. . . and I am feeling under the weather. . .

Nothing big… just a cold, I guess. Still, the timing is annoying. Of course, when is the timing of a cold ever any good, right? Don’t mean to complain or say much.

My cat is in my face every moment this morning. She either wants  something or she misses me dreadfully (I was gone over the weekend). I sense, however, that  it is the former reason due to the persistence. Oh well – water, food, toilet, claw clipping – one of those should be  the cause.

More Experimentation and thoughts

Well, it seems to be working. On an unrelated note, I hope  to be received into the Orthodox Church next month. It has been a long time in coming, but the timing is right, I think. Why doddle? Just get on with it and stop being the prima donna, right? Well, yes, right, but there is more to it than that. It just seems to be the time.

ANOTHER DAY

Yup, nothing much to say this day. Just wondering if it will go any better than any other. Ha. I speak nonsense. What a hoot, n’est pas? I like that little bit of French there, though I am not sure if it is right or not. But it is ok. No one is here to see this rambling – the rambling of a fool.